If someone asked you to define a high-quality relationship, what would you say?
Would you describe someone you can call at 2 a.m.? Someone who makes you laugh until your stomach hurts? Someone who challenges you to be a better version of yourself? Someone with whom you can sit in comfortable silence—or have the hard conversation you’ve been avoiding?
Maybe it’s all of the above.
As AI increasingly meets our needs for information, reflection, problem-solving, and even connection, it feels more important than ever to be intentional about how we connect with one another.
Because there are some incredibly useful things we can get from technology. But there are things that happen between human beings that are much harder to replicate.
Like…
A shared glance across a room.
A hug when words aren’t enough.
Someone knowing you’re having a hard day just by hearing your voice.
The friend who remembers the story you told three years ago.
The person who makes you laugh so hard you forget what you were upset about.
I think we can all agree that these are the moments when we feel deeply known and choose to know someone deeply in return.
These are the connections that make us feel most alive.
What Makes a Relationship High-Quality?
Psychologist Scott Barry Kaufman describes high-quality connections as “positive interactions characterized by a sense of joint participation and responsiveness, positive regard for others, and physiological changes that make us feel more alive and engaged with others.”*
I love that last part: more alive.
The people we choose to spend time with and grow in intimacy with shape us, just as we shape them. Our relationships influence how we see ourselves, experience the world, and ultimately, how we feel about our lives.
I love questions. And this newsletter is full of them!
So here’s another one to ponder:
How alive do I feel in the relationships I currently have? And what about the relationships I have at work?
We often treat workplace relationships as separate from our “real” lives, but our humanity doesn’t disappear when we walk through the doors of work. We spend so much of our waking lives with our colleagues that these connections inevitably shape our wellbeing.
If relationships are central to how alive we feel, shouldn’t that include the people we work alongside?
Kaufman points to four qualities that make workplace relationships meaningful: empowering others, mindful presence, trust, and play.
I got uber excited when I came across these because they so beautifully reflect what I’ve explored through my work and the Compassion Advantage Courses.
It starts with ourselves. Self-compassion helps us empower ourselves so we can better empower others. Mindful Leadership reminds us that connection requires being truly present with the person in front of us. Hard Things with Heart explores how moving toward difficult conversations with compassion and courage is what builds trust. And Care, Don’t Carry reminds us that healthy connection needs boundaries, as well as room for humor, lightness, and play.
When I look at these four qualities—empowerment, presence, trust, and play—I see a beautiful blueprint for relationships that don’t just function, but actually bring us to life.
I Double Dare You to Be Intentionally Human This Week
As AI becomes more integrated into our lives, I don’t think the answer is to retreat from technology. I think the answer is to become more intentional about being human.
Here’s what I mean:
- If AI can help us write the email, maybe we can spend a little more time actually talking to the person we’re emailing.
- If AI can help us brainstorm, maybe we can make more space to brainstorm with a colleague over coffee.
- If AI can provide endless conversation, maybe we can be more deliberate about calling the friend we haven’t talked to in months.
- If AI can help us process our thoughts, maybe we can also practice letting someone we trust see the messy, unfinished version of them.
And if technology continues to make our lives more efficient, perhaps we can use some of that reclaimed time for something wonderfully inefficient:
Sitting around a table and laughing with people we love.
Because maybe the goal isn’t to compete with AI at being intelligent. Maybe our opportunity is to become better at being human.
And notice what happens inside you when you do.
Because high-quality relationships don’t happen by accident; they take intentionality. And perhaps that’s one of the most important leadership—and life—skills we can cultivate right now.
Warmly,
Andrea Hollingsworth
References:
* Kaufman, S. B. (2026, July 3). High-quality connections [Audio podcast episode]. In The science of flourishing. Waking Up.
