For years, I’ve maintained a small psychotherapy practice. Most of my clients tell me they want to feel better, more like themselves. They want to be less anxious, less sad. They want to be more satisfied, more focused. They want happier, healthier relationships. In a word—they want to bring a calm, content presence to their lives, and to the people and things therein.
Over time, I’ve discovered one hidden factor that often keeps people from this state of wellbeing: chronic inward conflict.
Feeling Torn is a Part of Life
It’s normal to feel torn and unsure at times. This is especially true of leaders, who are called upon to make important decisions with significant implications.
Haste usually isn’t a good thing. A patient, measured, collaborative approach is best.
However, there is such a thing as getting caught in the mental mire of indecision. When this happens, we just can’t decide what to do, which direction to go, what to say, to whom we should listen, or all the above.
We’re stuck. And we’re afraid to get unstuck.
When inner conflict takes root and doesn’t resolve, it directly affects our mood and performance. We can become irritable, distracted, and apprehensive. There are physiological reasons for this.
The Neuropsychology of Inner Conflict
Neuroscientists have found that inner conflict, ambiguity, and uncertainty are largely processed in the anterior cingulate cortex. This is the same part of the brain that processes pain, both emotional and physical. Uncertainty is also associated with heightened noradrenaline release.[1]
When we remain stuck in confusion and unresolvedness about our direction, our brain processes it as pain—whether we’re aware of it or not.
And just like other forms of chronic pain, this distress becomes a weight that drags us down. It frequently shows up as anxiety—impacting our ability to control our thoughts, focus on tasks and people, [2] and be happy in general.[3]
Such states make it near impossible to show up with mindful, compassionate awareness to and with ourselves and others.
Make the Decision
Is there a decision you need to make about your work, your relationships, your life? Have you been sitting on it a bit too long?
In my work with clients, I often find that people know, deep down, what must be done. But, understandably, they’re afraid of change, or worried about failing, or concerned about the inevitable pain of repercussions.
All of this makes sense.
And? You deserve peace. You deserve inward integration. Such a strong, settled feeling only comes when you bravely face into the conflict and work toward resolution, no matter the effects. It will strengthen your spine, soften your heart, and deepen your presence.
