Many of you might be curious about the roots of my passion for compassion. What sparked my focus on compassionate leadership?
The answer lies in the extraordinary figure of my mom. She stands as one of my greatest heroes of compassion, instilling in me the powerful values of courage and compassion that shape my life’s path.
For me, courage and compassion are inextricably linked at the core of my journey—and leading psychologist Paul Gilbert echoes this sentiment. He believes that the essence of compassion is courage. It takes genuine bravery to confront suffering directly, to grasp its roots, and to pursue solutions instead of looking away.
In a world driven by survival instincts, it’s all too easy to let greed, ambition, and cruelty steer our actions. Yet, choosing compassion—being grounded, attentive, and wise—demands a courageous mindset. This profound strength was etched into my being through my mom’s example.
Courage and Compassion in Life’s Darkest Hours
During my time as a young grad student, I visited home over the holiday break. One afternoon, my mom and I sat down with a warm cup of tea, and she recounted a powerful story about her friend Betty, who faced the harrowing end of her battle with ovarian cancer.
In her final days, Betty was overwhelmed by pain, unable to process medication. My mom stayed by her side for three full days, witnessing wave after wave of torment. It was a time when there was nothing anyone could do but sit in solidarity, waiting for the mercy of death.
As Betty’s eyes widened in horror, her body weakened to the point of muteness. Imagine being trapped in a nightmare, unable to move or scream. Yet, amidst this anguish, my mom became so attuned to Betty’s suffering that she could sense each surge of pain. In a heartbreaking act of compassion, she mirrored Betty’s agony, using her own voice and body to share in the torment.
Though Betty endured unspeakable suffering, she was not alone. My mom’s incredible compassion ensured that even in her darkest moments, Betty knew someone was there to witness her pain and walk with her through that valley.
This experience has illuminated how our beliefs, principles, and actions infuse our lives with meaning and purpose. When we truly understand who we are and the legacy we wish to create, we can confront life’s challenges with confidence and clarity. I’m starting to see those seeds of legacy flourishing in my son.
Recently, I overheard Bennett answering the question, “What does your mom do for work?” His response was, “She teaches people how to love.” In that moment, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. Just as my mother’s influence shaped me, her legacy continues to ripple through our family and beyond.
This ripple effect reminds us that we are all leaders, no matter where we find ourselves. We must continually ask ourselves, “What kind of leader am I right now?” Leading well requires courage. As the poet David Whyte expresses, courage is about heartfelt participation in life and community. It involves making conscious the feelings we hold deeply and embracing the vulnerabilities that arise. Courage is what love looks like when tested by the simple, everyday necessities of being alive.*
Your Turn: Who Inspires You?
As we reflect on these powerful values, I encourage you to think about the heroes in your own life. Who inspires you to be better? How can you channel courage and compassion in your everyday actions? Let’s embark on this journey together, striving to become leaders of love—not just for ourselves, but for everyone we encounter.
Thank you for joining me in this exploration of compassion. Just reply to this email. I can’t wait to hear your stories and reflections!
*Whyte, D. (2019). Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words. Canongate Books Ltd.
