Let’s be real: tensions are running high everywhere. If you’re like me, this election season has tested your daily inner sense of calm. As the presidential race heats up in the U.S., political discussions and divides are at the forefront of everyone’s minds.
In today’s newsletter, I want to give leaders of people some conversation tactics they can model and pass along to others. The strategies below will help create a culture where differences are seen and honored, and everyone can walk away with their humanity intact—even if no “agreement” is reached!
I. Listening with Intent
Show Curiosity: Phrases like “Tell me more” or “Help me understand why this matters to you” communicate respect and a genuine desire to understand. They don’t mean you necessarily agree or condone. They do mean you’re doing your best to understand.
Express Humility: No one knows everything about everything. So, if someone is sharing about a topic you haven’t put much thought into, you can say, “Actually, I haven’t looked into that topic deeply. What’s your perspective?” This communicates humility and honesty. It also prevents you from making ill-informed statements and/or simply parroting what you’ve heard from pundits – which is never compassionate.
Offer Gratitude: “I think I see, thanks.” or “I appreciate you sharing that with me.” Recognizing the other person’s openness can help move the conversation forward positively.
II. Sharing Your Perspective
Be Honest: “At this point, my stance is…” Our views shift throughout our lives, that’s only human. It’s deeply mature to admit that. Clearly expressing your current position on a topic shows that you have thoughtfully considered your opinion. Describing how your views have evolved invites others into your process of learning and growing.
Tell Your Story: You can also say, “Let me share how I came to believe this,” or “The reason I feel so strongly about X is that I very much value Y,” or “Speaking for myself…” This shows the other person that you know yourself and your context. You own your story and views, and you’re speaking from your own truth—and not on behalf of anyone else. This personal touch helps ground your views in your own experiences.
Correct Yourself: If you catch yourself either understating or overstating your view, then interrupt yourself! You can say, “Hmm, wait. What I just said isn’t quite it. Let me try again.” This shows a commitment to clear and authentic communication.
Be Boundaried: If something that was said hurts or offends, don’t hesitate to say, “Ouch!” or “Oof!” This establishes healthy boundaries in the conversation, and boundaries protect both parties.
III. Pivoting When Necessary
Create Space: “Can we pause for a moment? I need a minute to think.” Silence can be a powerful tool during a conflicted conversation.
Set Clear Limits: “No, that’s a line I can’t cross. I can’t go there with you.” Once again, being clear about boundaries is key. Taking the high road is essential, especially when derogatory or dehumanizing statements are made. Remember: It’s the opposite of compassion to let someone run roughshod over you or others.
Identify Common Ground: “Aha, there we are on common ground!” Highlighting agreement about shared values and hopes for the future can foster a sense of unity and mutual understanding. Celebrate values — those “big tent” ideals that bring people together. But be wary of ideologies — those narrow, rigid dogmas that, when broached, immediately mark “insiders” and “outsiders.”
Express Grief in Place of Anger: “What grieves me most about this/that is…” It’s easier to be angry than grieved. But grief is more real, and sharing it opens space in conversations that anger never could.
Know When to Walk Away: “I need to be done now.” It’s perfectly okay to step back if things have devolved. This is especially true if dehumanizing statements have entered the picture – whether from your mouth, or someone else’s. Sometimes ending a conversation as gracefully as possible is the most compassionate, high-road action you can take.
Moving Forward
As leaders, our approach to conflict and difference shapes the culture of our teams. In tense situations, team members look to us for guidance on appropriate behavior. Ignoring the reality of the moment can send the message that we don’t care. But by fostering respectful dialogue and demonstrating compassion, we empower our teams to navigate these challenging discussions with grace.
Let’s embrace our roles as leaders who prioritize inclusion, understanding, and respect, even in the face of deep difference. Together, we can foster a culture that not only survives but thrives amidst tension.