This time I’m starting out with actual news… exciting news, at that!
Maple Grove Magazine, my hometown’s main periodical, featured me in their March/April edition! I feel so humbled and grateful!
The article beautifully highlights the community-driven roots of Hollingsworth Consulting. I couldn’t have reached this milestone without the support of my amazing local yogis, book club friends, neighbors, and early clients. Your belief in me, and in the message of compassionate leadership for our fraught world, has been invaluable. I’m so grateful!
As mentioned in the article, I started teaching classes on compassion and mindfulness to address the anxiety, depression, and loneliness that many of us faced during the early Covid-19 pandemic.
Below, I’m sharing an exclusive excerpt from one of those courses on mindful compassion—how to be present with love in the face of suffering. As Philo of Alexandria wisely said, “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.” This sentiment resonates deeply, as many of us continue to navigate big challenges in an ever-changing world.
Mindful Compassion
In our darkest moments, it’s common to feel unsure of how to support ourselves and others. How do we offer presence without downplaying the pain, rushing to fix it, or pretending to fully understand someone else’s experience? This is where mindful compassion comes into play. It gently reminds us to say, “I see your suffering, I grieve with you, and I’m here to walk alongside you through this.” By embracing this approach, we create a space of genuine connection and support that honors the depth of each person’s struggle.
To understand suffering more deeply, we must first address what suffering is.
The Anatomy of Suffering
Philosopher Simone Weil described suffering as a complex affliction where physical pain, psychological anguish, social humiliation, and spiritual emptiness converge. Today, many find themselves trapped in this all-consuming hurt—perhaps you know someone who is, or you might be experiencing it yourself.
Weil emphasizes that suffering affects our entire being: mind, emotions, body, and spirit. Scientifically, this is reflected in the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex (dACC), which processes both physical and emotional pain. This explains why a divorce can feel as intense as a motorcycle accident. When we hurt, we hurt deeply—whether it’s from grief, addiction, or existential crises. Pain knows no boundaries, and its impact resonates throughout our lives.
The Unnameability of Suffering
One profound aspect of suffering is its unnameability. Simone Weil described affliction as mute, capturing the essence of how intense pain often eludes description. This struggle to articulate suffering is particularly evident in those with PTSD, who may feel isolated because their inner turmoil is difficult to convey.
This is why therapies for trauma often incorporate wordless expressions like art and music. Suffering touches every part of our being, yet it can feel all-consuming and inexpressible.
Embracing mindful compassion allows us to acknowledge pain without judgment, honoring the complexity and mystery of our experiences. By being present with ourselves and others, we create a space for healing that respects the silence of suffering.ncredibly grounding, hope-inducing, and values-clarifying exercise.
Sitting With Your Own Suffering
To truly practice mindful compassion, we must first tend to our own pain. As Pema Chödrön wisely notes, being compassionate can be challenging.* When we try to help others—whether they’re facing illness, trauma, or hardship—unresolved issues within us often surface. We may find ourselves overwhelmed or triggered, revealing that the first person we need to be compassionate with is ourselves.
Self-Compassion Essentials
- Mindfulness: Acknowledge your pain without judgment. Recognize, “This is a moment of suffering.”
- Common Humanity: Remember, suffering is part of being human—we all face struggles.
- Self-Kindness: Offer yourself care. Ask, “What do I need right now?”
- Grit: Accept that it’s tough to avoid sinking into pain; it takes practice to show yourself kindness amidst struggle.
In difficult times, remind yourself, “I’ll keep showing up for you.” Embrace this journey of self-love and understanding.
Sitting with Someone’s Suffering
When supporting someone in pain, it’s essential to do so mindfully:
1. Calm Yourself: Take deep breaths and center your energy. Your calm presence will help them feel safe to open up.
2. Create Safety: Assure them you’re there to listen and care, free from judgment. A safe space fosters healing.
3. Tune In: Connect deeply by envisioning your attention as a circle of light flowing between you. Meet their gaze, listen intently, and reflect their feelings back to them.
4. Avoid Fixing: Resist the urge to solve their problems unless they ask for advice. Sometimes, simply being present is the most powerful support.
5. Check In With Yourself: Acknowledge your own feelings as you listen. If their pain becomes overwhelming, it’s okay to step back and care for yourself.
6. Maintain Boundaries: Remember, their pain is theirs to carry, not yours. Offer compassionate presence without taking on their burdens. You’re a supporter, not a savior.
The Work of Compassion
Being there for others while also caring for ourselves is the essence of mindful compassion. It’s about being present, accepting the pain, and allowing healing to unfold in its own time. Together, we can navigate this journey with the most powerful and resilience-building tool there is: authentic human connection.
*Pema Chodron. (2000). When Things Fall Apart. Shambhala Publications.
