I’ve been fascinated (in a sort of horrified way) by the recent “looksmaxxing” trend among young adult men. As epitomized in the viral videos of one “Clavicular,” guys are starving themselves, injecting themselves, and even (literally) beating themselves to self-sculpt into what they see as the optimal male appearance.
In many ways, this trend is a mirror onto where our appearance-obsessed, digitally-addicted, meaning-malnourished society has gotten us. In other ways, it’s a warped offshoot of the wellness movement, which has, for decades, been helping us optimize our health and better our lives generally.
Disclaimer: I am all for wellness. I’m all for optimizing how I feel and function. But the baffling and disturbing “looksmaxxing” trend highlights how singularly body-obsessed we’ve gotten in our pursuit of wellbeing, sometimes to the detriment of other crucial areas of life.
Relationships are Key to The Good Life
When it comes to being happy and well throughout life, it is BY FAR the health of our relationships that carries the most weight. I’m sure you’ve heard about Harvard’s 85+ longitudinal study showing that relationship quality is the #1 predictor of human happiness and longevity. But there’s other telling evidence, too. Just one example: in a 2019 study, teens were asked to take pictures of what most helped them find meaning in their lives. Mostly, they just snapped pics of their friends.
So lately I’ve been wondering: What might a “relationshipsmaxxing” movement look like? I think, first, it looks like stopping some things. Like…
- Stop obsessing over inflammation gurus while ignoring parenting experts.
- Stop ignoring your spouse while protecting your morning workout with your life.
- Stop spending a fortune on supplements while putting off that trip to visit a beloved friend.
- Stop pulling for a workplace yoga studio while tolerating toxic management behaviors.
The Relationships You Already Have
And I think relationshipsmaxxing means starting some things, too. Maybe….
- Start practicing active, empathic listening as much as you play pickleball.
- Start tracking (and meeting!) others’ needs as much as you track your macros.
- Start putting up relational boundaries as much as you put up caloric boundaries.
- Start seeking out the local community as much as you seek out local organic produce.
I’m not saying physical health isn’t important. I myself do some version of yoga or Pilates every single day (and yes, I take a lot of supplements!). But I think investing in the health of our everyday relationships (home, work, community) is the one wellness hack most of us are under-appreciating. And I love imagining ways the leaders of today can begin to shift that.
