At any given time, I’m usually knee-deep in multiple self-improvement projects. Right now, I’m working on core strength (a constant), sticking to a monthly budget, and expanding my capacity for sustained deep focus.
But there are days when everything goes out the window. As in:
- Screw Pilates today. I feel like sitting in the hot tub.
- I’m over-budget in health/beauty. Whatever. I NEED A MASSAGE!!!
- Okay, time to write that new keynote…FOCUS!!! [Five seconds later] “Did I ever reply to that email?” (immediately opens Gmail.) [Five minutes later]: “Aw crap, I keep forgetting to research summer camps for Bennett! (immediately googles soccer camps for eight-year-olds.)
Here’s a truth it took me a long time to discover: My ability to stick to self-improvement plans has everything to do with my nervous system—specifically, with the environmental stressors (often hidden) I’m needing to process.
Understanding Stressors: Hidden Influences on Behavior
Stuart Shanker, author of the (wonderful) book Self-Reg, argues that addressing behaviors/problems isn’t so much about “controlling conduct” as it is understanding and calming/softening the impact of biological, emotional, cognitive, social, and prosocial stressors.
According to Shanker, there are seven common and under-recognized stressors that impact behavior and may be sabotaging your efforts to change and improve. They are:
- Sensory Overload: Noises, smells, bright lights, visual clutter, crowded spaces.
- Physical Needs: Lack of sleep, poor nutrition, insufficient exercise, illness.
- Physical Spaces: Uncomfortable furniture, lack of quiet or personal spaces, or poorly arranged rooms can trigger stress.
- Strong Emotions: Overexcitement or anxiety in response to situations.
- Information Overload: Difficulty processing information, boredom, or too many decisions.
- Relationships: Stress from peers, friends, or family dynamics.
- Moral Judgments: Stress arising from empathy or understanding others’ stress.
The modern world hurls environmental stressors at us every single day. According to Ego Depletion Theory, we have a limited mental resource for willpower and executive functioning. (Read: you only have so much ‘keeping my $#!t together’ juice, and if you’re low, you’ve got to figure out what’s draining it.) Things as seemingly benign as crowded train commutes, overfull inboxes, glaring fluorescent lights, and overbearing family members can eat up a terrible amount of self-discipline for self-improvement.
Protecting Your Energy: Strategies for Sustainable Self-Improvement
If you feel motivated to make good changes for yourself, but keep getting derailed, ask yourself whether you’re protecting your brain and body from things that drain the energy you need to successfully shift those patterns. Here are some ideas:
- Calming sensory stressors: Put on headphones, tidy up your desk, turn the ugly overhead lights down or off.
- Calming physical stressors: If you’re sick, rest. If you’re hungry, eat. If you’re sleepy, nap. If you’re cooped up, get outside.
- Calming space stressors: Get a comfortable office chair. Put a low back support in the driver’s side of your car.
- Calming emotional stressors: Repeat a mantra, identify what’s in (and outside) your control, use your breath to soothe yourself.
- Calming informational stressors: Nix or lessen media exposure, take time to clear out your inbox(es), break down something complex by asking “What’s the very first step, here?”
- Calming relational stressors: Apologize to that person. Communicate that boundary. Reconnect via play/fun.
- Calming moral judgment stressors: Tell yourself, “I’m a supporter, not a savior.” “Care, don’t carry.”
The environment in which we strive to improve ourselves isn’t passive. It’s an active siphoner of, or source for, our self-improvement juice.
At this midway point through January—a “fresh start” month for so many of us—let’s take some time to identify and address hidden environmental triggers so we can give ourselves the best chance possible of becoming our best possible selves.
