Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about this question: How can leaders deftly, boldly, and effectively navigate the anxiety of change and unknowns while maintaining a high level of caring connection with those they lead?
In other words, what are the ingredients of “compassionate agility” in leadership?
Re-reading stress is just one of the keys I’ve discovered to balancing care and decisiveness when there’s a lot of flux and unknowns.
What does that mean?
Changing the Script
Dr. David Yeager is an expert on mastering a growth mindset and improving performance during times of stress. In a recent interview, he reminds us that we have the power to change our inward script around stress and overwhelm—our own, and others.’
We tend to think that all stress and overwhelm is “bad,” that something’s “wrong.” Stress can be a debilitating belief.
If you’re a leader who’s endeavoring to pay compassionate attention to stressed people, it’s important to consciously re-interpret stress.
Learning to see stress not as a debilitation—but rather, as as an invitation—can change the quality of your attention from pity to empowerment.
Scientifically speaking, stress is just a sign that a stimulus is making demands on our body or mind such that metabolic energy is required. That’s it. Stress is a neutral thing, a fact of existence. The belief “stress is bad” is an add-on, and it can be changed.
What if?
As you pay attention to your own stress, and that of others, do so with these questions in mind.
- What if stress was an enhancing belief?
- What if stress was a sign that you are about to optimize your performance, to level up your game?
- What if stress wasn’t something you need to destroy, but something you need to cultivate and channel in the right ways so we can get better and stronger?
- What if stress was a call to be in high arousal—to meet the demands of now, in real time—believing you have what it takes to do what’s needed?
Why Re-reading Stress is Compassionate
It can be deeply caring and uplifting to shift your interpretation of stress. Why? Because it mitigates the unnecessary suffering that comes with the belief, “I’m stressed out and I must escape.” That belief hurts because it dysregulates us, makes us rigid, and fires up our worst defenses (like numbing, blaming, and ruminating).
Instead, what about saying something like this to yourself and your colleagues:
“Yep – we’re stressed! It’s uncomfortable. I’m feeling it too, as I think anyone in our situation would. But it also means we have an opportunity to level up here! I’m asking everyone to lean in and stay connected so we can flow with these challenges together.”
You’re not minimizing the discomfort. You’re saying, in essence: “No doubt this is hard. And? There’s an invitation here to stretch, grow, transform—together.”
When we take this posture toward stress and model it for others, we can guide them to that more optimistic growth mindset while still conveying support and solidarity amid “the hard.” This makes more accessible the strength (within both ourselves and others) that might’ve otherwise stayed hidden under a mountain of tension and worry.