My seven year old son, Bennett, recently decided he wanted to play the electric guitar. (How cool is that!? Rock star kiddo!) So a few weeks ago, he started electric guitar lessons on Monday nights at a local music academy for kids.
At first, I assumed I’d be dropping him off for his guitar lesson while I grocery shopped or caught up on email. But I quickly realized that was not going to cut it. Parenting a young new musician is not a spectator sport – you’ve gotta get in there!
It’s fun to learn alongside him, sharing his struggles and joys. We both whine about how hard it is to stretch our fingers across the frets, and how the tips of our fingers hurt. But we both feel awesome when another note, chord, or line of a song is mastered.
My rock star boy will surpass me soon, I’m sure. (That’s okay, I rock stages in my own way!) For now, I’m embracing the challenge. Bennett knows he isn’t alone in this journey. I’m right there with him every step of the way.
This experience with Bennett highlights a few misconceptions about compassion I’d like to explore today.
Misconception 1: Compassion Isn’t Empathy – It’s ACTION
It’s common to hear the terms empathy and compassion used interchangeably, but they’re not the same. Empathy is about feeling alongside someone, sharing in their experiences—both good and bad. Compassion, however, goes a step further. Derived from the Latin cum + pati (meaning “to suffer with”), compassion specifically refers to feeling for someone experiencing struggle or pain, and actively seeking to alleviate it.
Compassion isn’t just about emotional resonance. It compels us to take action to relieve suffering. It’s about advocacy and strategic help that leads to positive change. Oftentimes, this means getting our hands dirty by entering into the mess. For me currently, it means challenging myself to learn something new alongside Bennett—a humbling yet rewarding experience.
Misconception 2: Compassion Isn’t a Trait—It’s a Skill
In 2013-2014, I had the honor of being a research fellow at a Princeton-based think tank. It was a life-changing year for me, as I was part of an interdisciplinary research team focused on moral identity. When I arrived that fall, the talk of the team was a ground-breaking new study, hot off the press, conducted by a young researcher named Helen Weng at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.*
In the study, one group of young adults underwent a brief training in compassion meditation—an ancient Buddhist technique where you envision bestowing lovingkindness upon yourself, a friend, a stranger, and finally, an enemy. Phrases are repeated during the meditation, such as, “May you be free from suffering. May you have joy and ease.” Another group was trained in “cognitive reappraisal,” where you simply learn to reframe negative thoughts and feelings.
After the trainings, participants were tested in two ways. First, they played a game in which they were given the opportunity to spend their own money to help someone in need. Second, they were put in a brain scanner while they observed photographs depicting human suffering (such as a child crying, or a burn victim).
The group that had undergone compassion training stood out from the other group. Significantly. First, they were much more willing to donate their money to people in need. Second, their brains responded differently to the photographs. Areas responsible for empathy, emotion regulation, and positive emotion showed significantly increased activity, as compared to the control group.
Weng’s study strongly suggests that compassion is a trainable skill. That our brains are changeable. And that those changes correspond with greater care for people who are suffering, and greater willingness to jump in and do something about it.
Compassion can be cultivated not just in individuals, but in organizations. And not just through meditative practice – through a variety of bold and creative means. But it really does begin with leaders: Research on compassion in organizations finds that middle and senior managers consistently look to their senior level leaders to ingrain a compassionate culture into the system.**
Final Thoughts
As we continue to navigate life’s challenges—both big and small—let’s remember that compassion is a powerful tool. It invites us to engage actively with others, fostering deeper connections and creating a supportive environment for growth. For my son, this isn’t just a new hobby; it’s a significant opportunity for growth and self-discovery. So, whether you’re learning to play the electric guitar or facing one of the bewildering hurdles life throw, let’s embrace compassion as an action-oriented approach, empowering ourselves and those around us.
* Weng, Helen Y., Andrew S. Fox, Alexander J. Shackman, Diane E. Stodola, Jessica Z. K.Caldwell, Matthew C. Olson, Gregory M. Rogers, and Richard J. Davidson.“Compassion Training Alters Altruism and Neural Responses to Suffering.” Psychological Science 24, no. 7 (July 2013): 1171–80.
** Banker, Darshna V. and Kanika T.Bhal. “Understanding Compassion from Practicing Managers’ Perspective: Viciousand Virtuous Forces in Business Organizations.” Global Business Review21, no. 1 (2018): 1-21.
