Ever watched a parent bring a baby into a roomful of new people and things? Now, there’s always the occasional baby who’s immediately like, “OMG I see a squishmallow and a new playmate, SEE YA MOM!” and proceeds to crawl away as fast as possible.
But most babies need to feel safe and connected before they venture out—before they can be creative and agile in a new and challenging situation. And even when they do venture out, they come back to mom frequently to “check in,” just to make sure she’s still there.
Guess what? We are all just grown-up babies. Just as infants rely on a secure base to navigate new experiences, adults thrive when they feel safe with and connected to their leader(s).
True Story: The Power of Secure Attachment
In 2016, I met a lovely (and incredibly gifted) young woman named Saran Sidime. A first-generation immigrant from Guinea, Saran impressed me with her wildly intelligent mind, her passionate spirit, her trenchant geopolitical acumen, and her infectious smile.
Saran felt called to pursue graduate education in the realm of religion and politics. Since I knew the academic world well, and since we felt a natural kinship with one another since our first meeting, Saran asked me to mentor her. I accepted that privileged role with much gratitude, offering my time, attention, advice, financial support, encouragement, and spiritual direction. (All of this has been pure joy, because she’s so amazing!)
I watched in awe as Saran was accepted into a master’s program at Harvard, and graduated with honors. Then I witnessed her secure a place in a prestigious Ph.D. program at Emory, where she is now writing her dissertation on how grief impacts dialogue in multicultural settings.
Saran has ventured far and accomplished much. She’s nowhere near done, either!
I cannot take one iota of credit for anything Saran has worked so hard to achieve. However, I do count myself grateful for the chance to be a “secure base” for her these last nine years, as she pushed the limits of herself in pretty much every way. Saran knows I am always there for her to listen, hash through ideas, and provide guidance and support where it’s desired. Saran’s secure attachment to me has been one important element in her incredible (and ongoing) journey as a scholar and thought-leader.
Find a Base, Be a Base
If you’re in need of a “secure base” professionally, it might be time to search in earnest for a mentor. It’s so much easier to take big, bold steps forward with someone you respect and trust “in your corner.” Decades of attachment psychology shows it: It’s simply how we’re built.
What if you’re leading/mentoring a person or team? Bear in mind how significant a role you play in helping people feel comfortable taking risks, being innovative, pushing the limits of what they think they can do. Just by being available, encouraging, generous, and genuinely connected to those you lead, you’re serving as a secure base that will fuel their future and catalyze their contributions.
